Princess of Thieves (2001)

Keira Knightley (Gwyn), Malcolm McDowell (the Sheriff), Stuart Wilson (Robin), Stephen Moyer (Philip)

Directed by Peter Hewitt (Garfield)

Plot: Robin Hood had a daughter by Marian, and Richard the Lionheart had an illegitimate son from France. Oh dear! I hope they fall in love in a very chaste, Disney sort of way whilst foiling evil Prince John's plot together!

Quite possibly one of the worst films I've ever seen. I should have known better; it was shelved in the kids' movie section at the library, so it's my own damn fault. No "research" is worth this much pain. The factual errors alone -- far, far too many to list -- make my head hurt, but the acting is enough to induce self-mutilation. If my name was Keira Knightley and I lived in perpetual need of a sandwich, I'd hunt down every last copy of this monstrosity and burn it in a giant Guy Fawkes Day bonfire.

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