In honor of this weekend's release of Evan Almighty, which I've read is unfortunately crap, I give you my two favorite Noah's Ark-themed bits of pop culture. The first is Sting's 1984 song "Rock Steady":
Saw an ad in the newspaper that caught my eye.The other is A-Ha's 2002 single, "Forever Not Yours." I just love what would appear to be arrogance on the part of A-Ha, that if a flood came, they'd been VIPs invited to further humanity's existence. They wouldn't be on most Americans' lists. But if God was going to ensure that any superior genetic material needs rescuing, Morten Harket would be there. Maybe not Pål and Mags so much, but they come as a matched set.
I said to my baby this sounds like the ticket for you and I.
It said, "Volunteers wanted for a very special trip
To commune with Mother Nature on a big wooden ship."
We took a taxi to the river in case any places were free.
There was an old guy with a beard
And every kind of creature as far as the eye could see.
This old guy was the boss, he said, "I won't tell you no lie.
But there's more to this journey than is apparent to the eye."
He said he'd heard God's message on the radio.
It was going to rain forever and he'd told him to go.
"I'll protect you all don't worry. I'll be father to you all.
I'll save two of every animal, no matter how small.
But I'll need some assistants to look after the zoo.
I can't see nobody better so you'll just have to do."
I said, "Just tell me something before it's too late and we're gone:
I mean, just how safe is this boat we'll be on?"
It rained for forty days and forty long nights.
I'd never seen rain like it
And it looked like our old friend was proved to be right.
We had no time to worry, though, there was just too much to do
Between the signified monkey and the kangaroo.
We had to wash all the animals; we had to feed them too.
We were merely human slaves in a big floating zoo.
She said, "Hey baby I don't mean to be flip,
But it seems this old man is on some power trip."
I said, "No, no sugar, you must be wrong.
I mean look at the size of this boat we're on.
We're as safe as houses, as safe as mother's milk.
He's as cool as November and as smooth as China silk.
He's God's best friend; he's got a seat on the board.
Life may be tough but we're sailing with the lord."
Woke up this morning and something had changed,
Like a room in my house had just been rearranged.
She said, "It's stopped raining and I know the guy's kind,
But if we stay here much longer, I'm gonna lose my mind."
So we said we had a mission for his favorite dove
To see if there was any mercy from this great God above.
So to find dry land, away the white bird flew.
We didn't need no country; just a rock would do.
When the dove came back to us, he threw down a twig.
It was manna from heaven and meant we could blow this gig.
"But the rock's too small," he said. "Can't you see?"
I said, "It's just perfect for her. It's perfect for me."