Keven Says: Build Your Own Playmobil Fascist Police State

I love Playmobil. They've been helping me create little plastic worlds of pirates and race cars since I was about five. They're branching out though. Now they allow you to create a fantastic totalitarian police state, step-by-step...

Start by planting restrictions on those entering and leaving your Playmobil country by purchasing the Playmobil Security Check Point.

Then, after making certain any undesirables are outside Playmobiland, it's important to keep track of those left inside your fiefdom via the Playmobil Police Checkpoint.

Now all your little plastic subjects are under the constant threat of being stopped and searched by plastic paramilitaries, but some plastic people are threats to your Orwellian utopia. It's then that you have to bring out the armed Playmobil SWAT Helicopter with searchlights for hunting plastic revolutionaries in the hills or forests. Then you can use your Playmobil SWAT Police Craft to capture those trying to escape via the sea.

When you do capture these enemies of the state, you can put them in your Police "Rescue" Police Van--a "rescue" van that doesn't seem to include any rescue gear, but it does have a trained killer dog and a large cage.

Have fun, kids!

[Editor's note: Comments by Keven Lofty in the "Keven Says" column do not necessarily reflect the opinions of his dear and patient wife, who is now scared to visit homes containing little boys.]

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